It’s awful, introducing someone to your world, taking them everywhere you love and showing them the adventures you had. Then they decide you and your life aren’t the kind of thing for them and they ditch you. But they’re always in those places, because you can’t unshow them your life.
I’ll be on the plane to New York in two hours, I’ve worked twelve to sixteen hour shifts all week, trying to get the putt putt course open, my phone got stolen yesterday and I am exhausted, but it’s all totally worth it because I’ll be with her this evening.
A guy just told me that the city I live in is full of sluts, but that he wasn’t complaining. I tried to tell him that I was of the mindset that friends are valuable, but he explained that 9 times out of 10 he gets friend-zoned and that puts nothing in the bank. So basically, girls aren’t useful as friends. They’re only useful for sex organs.
While trying to explain myself, I realized there was not much use, because he was looking at me as he does any other girl. And I was about to say that “I value friends because of their worth as people.”, but stopped because he had already lost interest.
I don’t know what will happen next. But He does. Even when I cannot see, He sees all things. And everything that has happened so far has brought me to the place I am now. A place where I live life through a pair of glasses I’ve had since middle school. Where I see dreams as visions for the future not yet reached instead of unattainable and silly goals a childish creature clings to. Dreams may not pay the bills of the American Way, but I never did dream that way. I think of homes and families and picket fences and think what a sham it all is if it never fills the void. Because it doesn’t. It prolongs the realization till you’re 45 and the crisis of mid-life strikes you like a hammer against a bell, signaling the halfway point of your life. I don’t know what happens next. But He does. And though I am unsettled and growing, I can find peace in that kind of unknown. His.
“God is not hurried along in the Time-stream of this universe any more than an author is hurried along in the imaginary time of his own novel. He as infinite attention to spare for each one of us. He does not have to deal with us in the mass. You are as much alone with Him as if you were the only being He had ever created. When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you had been the only man in the world.”—C. S. Lewis (via cs-lewis)